Samuel Yeoh

Recently, I participated in a Russian martial arts seminar featuring the Wave system. It’s quite interesting to see how they translate dance-like body waves into powerful strikes. But more interesting for me was the knife-throwing component. It’s an exceptionally tricky art, and I tend to miss more than I hit my mark during practice.

That said, on the 3rd and final day of the seminar, we had a little competition among the amateurs, and I managed to come out tops with an impressive score of 7 hits out of 9 throws. While I surprised even myself with the results, I vividly recall each throw.

Before each throw, I would close my eyes, take a deep breathe, and slow all my movements to a crawl. Then I would draw my arm slowly, take a test swing to adjust my aiming, and then make a firm and steady throw. Every move was calculated and precise. No rush and hurry, no impatience. Just pure concentration. For that moment, nothing else existed except the target and my knives.

Funny thing was, I kinda knew I could win the competition if I concentrated on the throws, even though I was uncertain since I always missed so badly during practice. The difference was that I kept thrashing around with quick throws and hard flicks, slight movements, and jerky impatience while practising.

The win was an excellent achievement and great boost to my ego for me. And right now, it is also a timely reminder of the things I need and must do with the same focus and concentration.

Since my departure from the corporate world, I’ve been thrashing around and dabbling in various ventures. My initial plans on ramping up on photography got waylaid by my martial arts career. Like my practise throws, I started out focused, but quickly got impatient and started trying out things I wasn’t ready for.

In a way, martial arts was, and still is a tempting career for me. I enjoy the rush of training, and the simple one-tracked focus and discipline of the art. In the pursuit of excellence, the focus is in honing one’s own body, mind and soul. It’s all internal. Nothing else matters, no politics, no dirty-talking, no egoistical maniacs with something to prove.

Or so I thought.

I was on the way to becoming a certified instructor in 3 different systems that had tremendous synergy with each other. All that went up in smoke due to career politics. I abhor politics, and sadly, even the martial arts world is full of them.

Look at Muay Thai. When I was still in the fringes of the scene sometime back, there were 2 distinct camps, and local competitions would be for only one camp and not the other. Singapore is already so small, how much smaller do you want to cut the territories? Hopefully things have improved now.

I won’t comment on what happened or who’s right or wrong, but all the territorial cutting up focuses on the wrong things. At the end of the day, it should be about the propagation of martial arts, and practioners should attempt to work together to spread their arts and culture. Naive and idealistic, I know. But all of us can have our little dreams, can’t we?

Right now, I’ve left the group I started out with due to idealogical differences. I’m back to where I was a few months ago, staring at yet another cross-road of my life. There are several options, some safe, some uncertain, and right now I feel downright lost.

I’m afraid to try an uncertain path again, for fear that I will lose my way like I did and end up with nothing. I’m afraid to stick with something safe, because I know I will never forgive myself if I never gave myself a chance. So the question is, which is the true mark that I need to focus my energies on, to point my sights and aim my throw?

Unfortunately, I cannot toe the middle line forever, nor can I walk down a path at random to try. The clock is ticking against me, and every day is another opportunity cost.

And it’s with this thought that I need to force myself to close my eyes, take a deep breathe, and figure out what are the important things to me. Can I still live in the moment, or is it time to wrap up my indulgences?

To focus, to take aim, and to hit my mark in life.