Samuel Yeoh

I’m on the verge of a crossing. A crossing into a world where there is little chance of going back. It’s not a crossroad because there is no choice, just a straight road where the only thing I can decide is the pace of my footsteps.

Lingering for as long as I can, I drag my feet, taking my time to breathe the last breath I will ever have of this place. The air is stale, stagnant, but familiar. There is no sweetness, but there is a sense of comfort and fuzziness, maybe even warmth. I take a moment to indulge in my memories, possibly a luxury that I will not have for a long time to come. Unconsciously, a sigh is let out somewhere far away, where my body still resides in the real world. My mind floats in the sea of thoughts, drowning gently in all the dreams and fantasies I’ve had here.

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Finally started my first real job. As usual, first day there’s pretty much nothing to do, since no one’s ever fully ready for me anyway. What’s more, both my immediate superior and the girl whom I’m taking over were on leave, so I was pretty much left to my own devices.

What really struck me though, was that they weren’t kidding when they categorised our positions as senior officers. Here I am, a fresh grad, and I have people way older ‘reporting’ to me. Whether they actually do so or not in the days that pan out is a totally different story, but even in theory, I’m still finding it somewhat hard to swallow. And chatting with the two studio staff, I sense a slight tinge of bitterness but mostly resignation there.

Another thing I found really interesting at least on paper, is the potential for me to influence budgeting and purchase decisions. Maybe I’ve just never taken on the role of full time staff before, but I find it intriguing and tantalising that I will be able to propose and buy stuff that I feel are necessary. There’s a photo studio gathering dust in the office that I intend to revive. Hopefully I really do get such influence in the day to day work.

So here I was, on my first day of work, ready to be run to the ground and worked like a puny office grunt, running errands around the level. Instead, I’m told that I will be taking charge over two regions (there are six, two to each staff), and that all materials from those regions will have to be cleared through our office, and, I assume, me. Kinda huge expectation switch there. I was expecting menial labour and brainless shit, but now I have to contend with thinking jobs and real responsibility. Woah.

There are a lot of things that turned my expectations around, and I can’t really begin to express them all. But hey, it’s still just the first day. Maybe it sounds all glamourous on paper, but as the days go by and I get into the groove of slogging it out, I may still be the powerless menial labour boy I was expecting to be. But then again, nah. I’m already looking forward to the power and challenge of managing what I imagine I will be doing. Scary, no doubt, but exciting too.