Samuel Yeoh

I just finished watching Juno, and it’s such an interesting, whacked-out, oddly simple and normal show. But I love it.

I guess for every show, different people will take away different things, and right now what I’m feeling is that feeling of happiness where I love to have, but hate to lose. In many ways, Juno reminds me of a girl who I would love, who is quirky that way, because I like quirky things. And despite being quirky, she remains so ordinary. Like you and me. That’s what really makes it for me in this show.

After all, it is a show about love. About who is the one who will love you forever and ever. And she found him.

And for me, it will be the vicarious experience of living through her life. And her life. Juno wasn’t the only story I enjoyed tonight. I was fortunate enough to be told another story while I was watching it. It’s a funny feeling, really. It’s like a character coming out of a storybook and saying hi to me. I feel like this everytime I meet someone like this, like when I met Jan.

It’s that feeling of surrealness, that the person is so different from what you know around you, that you wonder if this moment is even real. And when you look back later, it’s not a memory, it’s a story.

I really don’t wanna lose this feeling, I don’t. But I’m not sure if I can keep it either. I’ve never been good at keeping things. The only thing I steal are stories. Maybe she’ll last a few more short weeks in my life, and then she’ll vanish without a trace. But maybe, just maybe, she won’t, and I finally get to write a new chapter in my story.

A few days back, I was slapped with what borders on an insult to me, as someone told me that I cannot be a professional photographer.

The reason for that comment was because I refused to have more than 3 people on set during a shoot. My reasoning was simple, more unnecessary people means more unnecessary distractions. And unnecessary comments, unnecessary questions about my judgements, unnecessary opinions.

Today, I was forced to revisit that evening and my own justifications, and as much as I hate to say this, it boils down to the problem of a fragile ego. There are many things I can take insults to, except for one thing – my intelligence. That’s about the only kind of insult that will have me raving mad. Now I think I need to add one more item to the list, my photographic skills.

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A random rant, but recently, I’ve been in contact with a number of young’uns, and they’ve made me wonder about this thing called love, and of relationships. (And I’m feeling really old and miserable, because I’m referring to 19 year olds as young’uns…)

I suppose it’s been awhile since I really thought about such things, as we’re all just so busy with our FYPs, projects, and school, that most of my uni friends have little time to talk about such things. It’s like we’ve grown past the stage where such things matter, and they just become another part of life. I mean, they do matter, and we do talk about it, but it’s always from a more pensive and contemplative tone. We discuss and philosophise, but we hardly gush and get emotional about it.

That’s why it really surprises me when someone cries and is upset because the other half is away for 8 days. Or that people miss each other’s presence terribly, even if it’s just for a few days. Perhaps I’m simply not hardwired that way. I don’t remember the last time I really missed someone, because I’ve always been able to put people out of my mind fairly easily.

It’s a good thing, I guess… but somedays, I can’t help but feel curious to know what it’s like. It’s as if I have some missing some part that others possess. What I’m trying to say, is that it’s been ages since I’ve felt any tingling of emotion. Deep, intense emotions that make me feel supercharged and alive.

And right now, it’d be really lovely to feel alive one last time, before I sell my soul to the corporate world.

Ok, since I talked about shoots in my previous post, and I have no photos to show for it, I’m gonna kill two birds with one stone in this post.

 
(this is just a random snapshot not from any shoot, as obviously shown through her blank expression)

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Ok, maybe thing’s ain’t so bad after all eh.

Had two shoots today, one with the lovely Loren, whose look I fell in love with the instant I saw her photo, and the other one with the jovial Steph. And man oh man, was I high.

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Ok. I need to rant. I just got cancelled. Again. On a perfectly sunny Friday afternoon, after all that dreary rainy days. Fantastic. Amazing. Unbelievable. Almost comically laughable, if I were not the butt of the joke here.

Now, if you’re still thinking it’s me and not the cruel fates, let me give you this week’s line up of excuses.

Wed: Last minute called back to cover a sick colleague.
Thurs: Rain. Bleah.
Fri: Aunty in A&E.
Sat: High fever.
Sun: Exams on Monday

Out of the five, three of them are confirmed true, and not out to jerk my chain. One of them is highly probable to be true, and one is maybe true. Regardless, five shoots scheduled in five days and cancelled. I have to say, this is nothing short of miraculous.

I still got 3 more shoots scheduled for the weekend though. I wonder if all three will suffer a similar fate. Heh.

I love my life, can you tell?