Samuel Yeoh

Kinda lost the mood to to write part 2 of the auto-biography, so that’ll have to wait a bit. But in the meantime, I’ve been using the extra time to catch up with my backlog of photos. I owe so many people unfinished work. Heh. But that’s partly because recent works have been quite bad, none of them motivate me to finish the hellish editing work.

Here’s one from a month ago. Not too satisfied with it, and colours are all over the place. Shot two weddings as well, will post up the recent one if I get something edited tomorrow.

The rest are at my multiply.

It’s some wild time now, and I haven’t woken up at this hour in ages. Just can’t seem to get back to sleep, and I started reflecting on my life till now. Which of course made me further awake. So here I am. I’m one month early, but what the heck. New year’s on the way, and so is my 21st. Might as well do some reflections. I’m a man who’s grounded in the past, a lot more like my old man than I’d care to admit, heh.

It’s really a long read, so read only if you have some insane curiousity about my life, or want to see your name (I name almost everyone this time), or have insomnia and need something to bore you to sleep. Otherwise, this is more for personal records. Read the rest…

I’ve always thought I was great. I’ve always thought I was someone worthy of great things. And I’ve always looked down on others with an air of superiority. Unfounded superiority. Now, I guess it’s time to really swallow that humble pie and wake up from my little shell of make believe.

It’s a nice thought to dwell in, isn’t it? Looking back, yeah, I’ve always gotten what I wanted, I’ve always did well, but always within an environment of inferiority. Now that I’m competing in the real world, with the real stuff, I fall short.

Thinking about it, I’m not one bit jealous about losing out to the other two. I am simply inadequate, and I need to realise what I am and remember it well. I am nothing. I am but just another one of the million faces on the street, nothing special, nothing unique. And I have to build my future from there, not from high up on this pedestal of glory that I’ve deluded myself into.

I guess my dreams of power and ambition, will just remain that, until I can climb out of this mediocrity. I can’t even be the best out of four, how do I survive when I really start work and compete with the teeming millions? Much more to work on.

From where I’m standing now, I don’t see my future anymore. All I see is a long road to nothingness, and the choice to build that road is something I need to do, but I’m not sure I can do.