Samuel Yeoh

Just a little something I wrote after such a long time. Kinda started as a thought, and then I just went along with it and let it go where it wanted to. Comments and thoughts welcomed.

–

He stood staring out into the gentle open waters, his hands pressed on the railings while his body leaned forward. The cool breeze blew into his face, tickling behind his ears like a playful lover. The soft lapping of the waters against the side of the reservoir was a calm rhythm that hypnotised him.

It was beautiful up here on the mountains. The reservoir park was cut into the side of the mountain near its peak and overlooked the city below, while the mountain runoffs and waterfalls fed its lake. A hidden treasure buried deep away from civilisation. Only the locals who knew of its secrets would ever find their way here.

His eyes wandered down in front of him, tracing its way from where the grass sloped downwards to the water, becoming mud and stone where man’s construction replaced nature’s growth. There were a family of tortoises sticking their heads out of the water, eagerly awaiting morsels of food thrown to them by children and passersby.

Like him, they were not natives here, but strangers introduced to the place by some locals, and had multiplied to fill the lake. He overhead the park keeper saying that they would soon be crowding out the reservoir, and would need regular culling to keep the numbers down.

He couldn’t help but wonder if he would eventually wear down his welcome too.

In the distance, he heard cheerful laughter, and a chorus of chirpy voices drifted towards him. Turning his head to his left, he saw a family of three walking towards the stone benches beside him and gradually settling themselves down.

They were an energetic bunch. The parents, in their late fifties, making exaggerated walking movements in what some might consider exercise, while their daughter, a young lady in her early twenties, was twirling about a homemade hiking stick. Soon, they quietened down as they sat on the stone bench, enjoying the silent breath of fresh air.

On the spur of the moment, he decided to walk over.

“Hello Uncle! Hello Auntie!” He greeted cheerfully. “Blessed wishes to you this New Year!”

The couple looked at him and smiled back warmly. “A friend of yours?” They asked their daughter after returning his greeting. She looked blankly at him, her mind racing to recall their acquaintance.

“It’s been awhile,” he cut in before the bewildered girl could reply. Pointing at the bridge a short distance away, he continued, “Uncle, Auntie, do you mind if I borrowed her for a second? We’ll just be taking a walk over there.”

“Sure, go along now, we’ll be relaxing here,” her mother answered as she gave him a knowing smile, while her father laughed heartily.

Left without much choice, the young lady stood up and followed the young man who was waiting politely for her, while she struggled to match his face to any distant memory she could summon. Eventually, she gave up.

“Have we met before? I’m not quite sure I know you,” she asked guiltily, embarrassment turning her fair features a shade of pink.

“Well actually, we just met a few moments ago,” he replied with a cheeky grin. “I wanted to chat with someone my age and couldn’t think of another way to talk to you, hope you don’t mind?”

“Oh… That makes sense now,” she responded slowly, as realisation dawned upon her. “At least the part about why I don’t know you.”

She paused in her steps, hesitating.

“Walk with me, just awhile. I promise it won’t hurt,” he smiled and invited her forward. She took a few haltering steps, and then relented.

The two walked on in silence, him taking long casual strides, while she half walked, half skipped till they reached the bridge. Hoisting herself up, she sat on the side of the bridge and stared down to city below, releasing a sigh as she stretched her arms behind her. The wind caught her hair and tugged it playfully, lifting it up and letting it fall again. He pushed himself up and sat down beside her.

“Lovely weather, isn’t it?” he murmured, his eyes faraway into the distant skyline, a hue of yellow, orange and gray in the approaching dusk.

“Yes, a little chilly though,” she whispered back, still mesmerised by the city lights below, gradually coming to life in the creeping darkness.

The evenings came slowly this time of the year, and it was still bright despite the hour. Joggers made their way across the bridge, following the jogging trail around the park. Every now and then a family with children would stroll by, an evening walk after dinner.

“You know, a bridge connects two places together. Two places that may have been strangers to each other, yet now joined, brought together by this connection.”

“Uh-huh,” she replied half-heartedly, her mind still somewhere else.

“And here we are, sitting on this bridge. Poetic, isn’t it?” he concluded, as he turned to look at her expectantly.

She pulled her gaze away from the sights below and looked at him, her black eyes staring questioningly into his. “Is that some sort of cheesy line picked out of a romance novel?”

He let out a laugh. “No, not at all! Just saying that we don’t need to know each other to share a moment.”

Sighing, he gestured at the city below. “It’s a beautiful sight, isn’t it?” Then he turned back to look at her. “A little selfish, I know. But it’d be a shame to share it alone.”

She stared at him a little longer, and then returned her gaze to the city lights. “You’re a strange one, you are.”

In the distant, a jogger in a blue t-shirt and black trackpants was making his way towards them. Beads of perspiration sprinkled his face while his t-shirt was soaking wet. He waved as he neared, a broad smile on his face.

“Hey, kor!” she called out, waving back. “Only the first round? It’s getting dark!” She mocked him jokingly.

“Mei, I’d like to see you try it then,” her brother huffed back at her as he went past, giving her strange companion a nod. Soon, he disappeared out of sight into the trail, swallowed by the trees.

“Slow and steady–” he started.

“–wins the race. I know. I was just teasing him.” She cut in. “Geez, you sure are full of aphorisms.”

He looked behind him and chuckled to himself. “Can’t help it, they’re all over. Look!” He replied, pointing to the tortoises crowding the side of the bridge that stretched into the water. A boy was feeding them breadcrumbs, and they were climbing over each other to get a bite. One of them toppled over and slid back into the water. Her eyes followed in the direction he was pointing, and she laughed as well, slapping him on the shoulder.

“Shall we sing a song?” He asked suddenly.

“A song? Why?” She looked at him curiously.

He smiled at her and started humming a tune from his childhood days. Before long, he was moving his body in time to the beat, while he snapped his fingers. She could only stare at him in amusement at his comical act.

“We’re coming to the chorus, sing along now!” He announced.

She finally shrugged her shoulders in mock defeat, and joined in softly as he loudly sang out the jumbled lyrics in the way he remembered it. Some of the passersby looked on bemusedly as they walked past.

“That was totally all wrong!” She cried out in between laughter as they came to the end of the song. “It’s been awhile since I heard it, but I’m quite sure that’s not how it went.”

“It’s funny how something so familiar can feel so strange sometimes, eh?”

In jest, he gave her an accusatory look. “You should have sung louder then, would have saved us both the embarrassment.” She merely poked him in the shoulder, unable to find her voice.

Soon, darkness descended on both of them. What little sunlight left soon winked out, replaced by the pale glow of the moon and the twinkling of the stars. They sat quietly beside each other on the bridge for a little while longer.

“It’s time for me to go,” she spoke up at last. He nodded, and helped her down the bridge.

“It was nice meeting you,” he said softly as he walked her back to where her parents were waiting for her.

“It was nice to meet you too,” she replied shyly, as he turned and slowly walked away. From the fading voices, he could vaguely hear her telling her parents that he was an old friend she hadn’t met in a long while.

As he reached the bridge again, he pulled out his notebook and scribbled something onto it. It didn’t seem quite right, but he supposed it would do.

Strangers in time unspent
Partners in crime unplanned
Together
Like words that rhyme
Two souls entwined
No need for reason
Coz ‘tis the season
For cheesy lines
And magical finds

Time stops
Hops
Tops it off
With an indelible feeling of
Something left behind

He tore off that piece of paper, and folded it into a paper aeroplane. Looking out into the city below, he threw the paper aeroplane and watched it glide into the darkness. He wondered if it would be found by someone walking up the mountain, or if it would be lost to the elements of nature.

Glancing at the lake, he could barely make out the silhouettes of a few tortoises slipping into the waters, their shapes merging into the shadows. It was time for him to go, too.

- The End -

It took longer than I thought, but finally, I made it. I’m a BJJ blue belt at long last!

The irony was that I wore my only blue gi that day, half-expecting to be promoted, and I was! Actually, what was more ironic was Professor making a joke that I shouldn’t come with a purple gi anytime soon to get a purple belt, without realising that I actually do have a purple gi that I was waiting to put on once I was promoted.

Now that I’m here though, I don’t feel as good as I though I would. It was just so… normal. Partly because I was expecting it and it was overdue, but partly because I felt I didn’t do anything spectacular to earn it. My competition in Bangkok was terrible, I could have won at least a bronze or a silver, but came home empty handed. So I became one of those who were promoted because of the hours put in.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I know I should be proud of the dedication I put in, most guys don’t train as regularly as I do. But you know, somehow, even though I know I’m not as talented nor as athletic, I’d like to think all those hours put in would make a difference at a tourney or something. Guess I’ll just have to work on it as a blue belt.

It’s still a long journey forward, and purple is my next stop. A good two years at least, looking at my progress. This time, I need to get placed in at least one tourney, just so I can feel a little more validated about my skills. It’s gonna be a tough road, there’s just too many good blues out there ahead of me, but hey, I’ve come this far, there’s no way else but forward.

It’s a quiet Christmas this year, and living alone has always brought that introspection this time of the year. At least, there’s a present this year, wrapped in blue, and containing all the promises of more tears, sweat and blood before I see the next one in purple.

Among my list of to-dos before I become a working adult zombie, is to participate in tournaments for my respective sports, Muay Thai and BJJ. I’ve done MT back in my university days, and now I finally hit the BJJ milestone.

Took part in the internal tournament of my fight gym, and came out with a Bronze medal for my weight class. Happy but unsatisfied.

I managed to win my ‘rival’ by points in my first match, a guy I have been unable to beat in sparring since Day 1! So that’s an achievement for me, even if it’s through a strategic gameplan and not superior skills. I still wasn’t going to be able to submit him, so I opted to take him down or sweep him, get my 2 points, and hang on for dear life without getting submitted. Not the most interesting way to win a fight, but I did.

The second match however, was a heartbreaker for me. Coming into this match, my opponent was on the verge of a blue belt, and he was technically way superior than me. The only gap I knew was his half-guard game, as he wasn’t that good on top, and I was excellent at stalling at the bottom. Again, my gameplan was sound – take him down, and hold him on for dear life, but I made two grave human errors! I managed my takedown for 2 points early in the match, but made a fatal error of getting to my knees and was taken down by him instead. That drew us at 2-2. From there, I started to put my half-guard game into play, and looked for the sweep. Unfortunately for me, my half-guard sweeps were not sufficiently refined, and I failed to have any effect, giving him advantage points for near passing of my half-guard. In a desperate attempt to regain advantage points, I went for a kimura only to let him pass completely and gain side control near the end of the match. 2-5 loss. =( I swear I could have won this one were I more careful. My saving grace is that, he won the gold for the division and got promoted to blue on the spot, so I held well against a tough opponent, haha.

After fighting in my weight class, I decided to take on the absolute division. This is where my lack of mental preparation and sparring against tougher opponents led to my failure. My opponent was a bigger guy, and I was a bit nervous. Despite my constant self-reminder not to pull guard and go for takedowns, I instinctively jumped guard when my takedown failed and he got a single leg. 2 points to him immediately. On the way down though, I managed to establish a guillotine hold, but could not finish. In the midst of the adrenaline and the fruitless attempts to finish the choke or sweep, I had totally forgotten that I was behind points and held on in that position till the end, thinking I would win by advantage. Was really disappointed with my performance in this one, as I should have released the guillotine and tried for a collar choke or simply sweep him. It was a match that I could have won and secured at least another Bronze medal were I not so conservative.

Oh well, live and let live. Learn and move on. The next time I compete, I’ll probably be in a different belt category, at the bottom of the food chain again.

Looking back at how long ago I started BJJ, and where I am now, I’m DAMN BLOODY SLOW! Vacillating between no-gi and gi, taking long breaks before resuming, I finally sat myself down this year and forced myself to finish what I started. At long last a 4-stripe white belt in gi, I should get my blue this year. Then it’s a long journey to purple, and to resume my no-gi training. Nowhere near where I wanna be, but hey, at least I’m moving.

I’ve alway had a little fantasy that one day, while I’m out there soaking in the rain at a random traffic light, this awesomely cute girl would offer to share an umbrella with me. It’s a typically cliche romantic notion borne of one too many movies.

The other side of this romantic notion is simply being nice enough to share an umbrella with another stranger. It’s not a very difficult gesture, but in the sunny island of Singapore, or rather, the occasionally pouring wet island of Singapore, there occasions seem far and few between.

I usually do not carry an umbrella, as I’d rather soak than lug it around, such is the nature of sloth I possess. But I’m proud to say on that on the rare occasion that I happened to carry one, I shared it with a soaking schoolboy last month.

Odd that karma should return the favour today.

It was a light drizzle, one that I’m accustomed to taking a walk in. But for the first time in the 20 odd years of my life, someone offered to share an umbrella with me! Incredible,  I know!

Exactly like how I envisioned but never imagined possible, it was at a traffic light. What’s more, it was a cute 16 year old girl from the School of the Arts. Romantic notions aside, I have to take back some of the meaner things I’ve said about the younger generation. Not all are selfish little brats after all. Looks like SOTA should be proud, they got some good civic education going on there!

Alas, we made small talk and parted our ways shortly after. No romantic follow-up whatsoever. In my defence, she is way too young for me. Oh well, better luck next time.

Update: I shared the little anecdote about a student who offered to share the umbrella with me to my Primary 6 tuition class. All of them said that it was suspicious. *face palms* Maybe only a scant few students in the world still know what the meaning of gracious is. Sigh.

If I were to set a resolution for this year, instead of achieving great successes, it might just be overcoming fears for me.

One of the things I have most often shared with those who ask me, the greatest thing a man can have for himself is freedom. Freedom to live, freedom from financial constrains, freedom from illness, and of course, freedom from fear.

Honestly, I’m not a very brave man, unlike my father who knows nothing about cowardice. His is a reckless courage, eager to rush headlong into physical danger for the sake of showing me what a man should be. I am however, a lot more cautious. I like to see where I’m going, plan ahead for an infinite number of possibilities, and still bail if I feel one ounce of insecurity.

The past few years have been about removing one of my greatest fears – my fear of another man. That stage of my life has reached an acceptable level in my opinion. I no longer fear the average bully, as I’m confident that my skills should allow me to defend, and take out if needs be, a significantly larger opponent. The benchmark has always been my father (still a head taller and wider than me), and well, I’m content to say I don’t see him as a threat anymore.

Ok, long preamble done.

Today marks the day I embark on another journey to address a different fear. A small fear that I can live with, but will have tremendous impact in raising my self-esteem nonetheless, should I overcome it.

The fear of the dancefloor.

Dancing has always been a royal pain in the ass for me. I love dancing, rocking out, and having a good time. But I suck at my body movements, and I am way too self-conscious about it. The end result is that I get too little practice, and end up taking very conservative and awkward movements whenever I dance in public.

If you ask me, lousy coordination aside, it’s a larger self-image problem that needs to be addressed.

So there I stood at the counter of the dance studio, hesitating, wondering if I made the right decision to try out a lesson. My very first Hip Hop class.

Barely a few minutes in, and I knew my gut instincts were right. I have not a single spark nor talent for dancing, and was atrociously horrible at it! To add to the irony, I was standing in the front row, and nearest to the glass window where all the passerbys could look in. What an eye-cringing show I must have put on!

I couldn’t help but feel thoroughly amused. Despite my valiant efforts to keep up with the class, I was having way too much difficulties remembering steps, looking at the mirror, feeling the beat, trying to look good, and in general just feeling extremely self-conscious and embarassed about the whole thing. The instructor addressed the class with the tone of someone who has seen too many failures and non-talents that he gave up trying eons ago.

In the end, the class ended with me feeling like a complete idiot, with terrible coordination and stiff limbs. Couldn’t help telling myself how bad I sucked. And the experience was so horrible I never want to relive it again.

So I signed up for the class.

Might as well right? Since I hated the feeling, the discomfort and uneasiness, the awkward movements, and the utter lack of talent, might as well put myself through a few more classes to get used to it, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll improve after that. That’s what classes are for anyway. And if I still turn out to be hopeless, well at least I tried, and perhaps I’d be less self-conscious of getting onto the dance floor and flailing like a moron the next time. From experience, you can get used to being embarassed if you do it often enough, hehe.

It remains to be seen how I’ll come out surviving from the next few classes. No way am I gonna be a prodigy, but hey, it’s all about building those blocks of confidence one brick at a time.

Rock on, y’all!

From ashes we come, and to ashes we return.

We take along with us nothing but our memories and our spirit – the only true things we can grow in our lives.

While doing some housekeeping, I chanced upon a little note I penned on the impending adulthood of my 21st birthday. Odd that I should come across it with my birthday looming in sight again. Coincidence? Mayhaps. I take it as a sign to remember what I have so long forgotten.

The note is a list of sorts. A list of dues I owe, the people that have shaped me and honoured me in their own ways, and whose favours I owe a lifetime of debt to. A list that I should never forget, but in the sinkholes of the last 1 year, I have let slipped from my mind.

Forgive my disservice, but now I do remember.

And to this list I add a whole new list of names and faces, some of it which may be incomplete. But should you ever be in that list, I will abide by my duties in your hour of need. Even though our paths may have fallen apart, the invisible string of obligation will bind us through time and space, and I will never relinquish it. An obligation that I have imposed on myself, that those who have helped me may not go unrewarded, and those who have hurt me may not go unpunished.

If you but even wonder if you have a place, then you are on the list. If you have the cheek or gall to wonder, than you have already touched my life, be it as friend or enemy.

See you soon, my friends. And enemies, see you on the other side.